Allah Ta'aala mentions in the noble Quraan:

Also, amongst his Aayaat is that he has created spouses for you from yourselves (from your own species) so that you may find solace (peace a rest) with her and he placed (tremendous) love (most manifest during youth) and (a great deal of) mercy (most manifest during old age) between you. There are certainly Aayaat in this for people who contemplate (people who have insight). [Surah room:21]

Marriage is based on love and understanding. You cannot expect a healthy marriage until the husband and wife both constructively contribute to their marriage. The husband and wife both need to work towards their relation. The husband and wife need to appreciate and acknowledge each other. If the matter was merely fulfilling each other’s rights, it would never be a successful, nor a happy and blissful marriage. The best role model we can have is the life of Rasulullaah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. If we only had to master the social life of Rasulullaah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and reflect over his relation with his spouses then verily no marriage will experience any problems.

Therefore, we urge you to try and patch up your relationship. Shaitaan is pleased when discord and enmity is created between a married couple. Marital problems quite often may seem that it is impossible for a marriage to continue, however, after a little counselling and elimination of misunderstandings Allah Ta'aala makes it possible for the marriage to carry on amicably.

In order to patch up the marital imbalance being experienced at present, our advice would be that the elder members of both families meet to try and resolve the couple’s differences, as that would be in accordance with the command of the Quraan-e-Kareem: “If you fear a breach between the couple, appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers, if they both desire peace, Allâh Ta'aala will cause their reconciliation.”

The answer to your first two queries can be understood from the following text of the Fuqaha (jurists):

If the woman comes from such a background (family) where they do not have the habit of working (carrying out the household chores) on their own; then it will be incumbent upon the husband to provide her with food. If such a woman demands a domestic helper and the husband has the means, then it will be compulsory upon the husband to provide her with one. The same ruling will apply to a woman who due to some sickness is not able to carry out the household chores. However, if she is from such a family which work on their own, then it will be Waajib for the wife to carry out the household chores (cooking, cleaning etc.). Similarly, if the husband does not have the means to provide a domestic helper then too it will compulsory for the wife to fulfill the household duties. ((Shaami Vol. 3 Pg. 579 - Fataawa Hundiyyah Vol. 1 Pg. 548) 

Here too, our advice would be that the husband and wife should try their utmost to help out each other as is narrated regarding the best of human beings, Rasulullaah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, that he would give a helping hand to his blessed spouses in fulfilling the household duties. Together with helping each other, the couple should appreciate, acknowledge and share kind words for whatever they do for each other as this would be a means of peace and love within the home. Rasulullaah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has encouraged us to appreciate when somebody does a favour for us:

If you cannot be grateful to the servants of Allah, you can never be grateful to Allah Ta'aala (being grateful to the servants of Allah Ta'aala is a stepping stone to get to being grateful to Allah). (Musnad Ahmed (Vol. 4 Pg. 750) 

One very important point that the Fuqaha mention after mentioning the above-mentioned ruling is that the greatest of all beings, Rasulullaah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, distributed work in the home of Ali Radhiallahu Anhu and his beloved daughter, Fatima Radhiallahu Anha. He gave the work outside the home to Ali Radhiallahu Anhu and the household duties to Fatima Radhiallahu Anha. He gave his beloved daughter the responsibility of the household duties despite the fact that she is the leader of all women in paradise. We learn from this that if the work is divided fairly between the spouses in a manner that none of the two is overburdened with work and together with that there is some sought of acknowledgement, then you will have a blissful marital relationship. 

Our response to your query with regard to the gifts is that if they were gifted before Nikaah, they will necessarily have to be returned because the Fuqaha (jurists) have classified gifts before Nikaah to be a form of bribery. (Al Nutaf Pg. 515 - Shaami Vol. 3 Pg. 156 - Fataawa Mahmudiyyah Vol. 11 Pg. 186). If they were gifted after Nikaah then neither the husband nor the wife has the right to take back the gifts from each other. However, our advice is rather then entertaining this idea of taking back the gifts, you should increase in giving gifts to your partner because Rasulullaah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has mentioned in one hadith:

Give gifts because this will unite your hearts. (Al Jaami Lishu'abul Imaan Vol 11 Pg. 301) 

Give gifts, verily a gift will remove the malice of the heart. (Musnad Ahmed #9250) 

Lastly, we make Dua to Allah to unite and reconcile the couple, may he remove all the misunderstandings and may he grant you a happy, peaceful and blissful marriage.

AND ALLAH TA'AALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST

ANSWERED BY: Abdullah Badat

CHECKED AND APPROVED BY:  Mufti Muhammed Saeed Motara Saheb D.B. 

Islamic Date:29 Safar 1440  English Date: 8th November 2018